Addiction
by chachakid
Summary: When Jules has nobody to turn to, she turns to alcohol and drugs. What starts out as a quick pain relief turns into an addiction.
1. Chapter 1

Jules was an amazing woman.

She got through high school on her own. Her mother had passed away when she was 14 and her dad was not the supportive type.

She never considered herself "girlfriend material" and this kept her single for most of her life.

After a long day at work, she'd drive home by herself to an empty house. And this never bothered her, before now.

Lou would go home to a loving girlfriend.

Spike to a loving family.

Ed had Sophie and Clarke.

Wordy had his wife and 3 beautiful girls.

Sam had his army buddies.

And Sarge had his beautiful pet dog to come home to.

But after having to pull the trigger and end somebody's life, things changed. She was trained to kill when all else failed but she had never had to do it before.

When she had nobody to turn to, she turned to beer.

After 6 of them, her troubles were gone.

Or so she thought, but really…they were just beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint or any of the characters involved with Flashpoint.**

**Thought i might add that this story takes place before Jules and Sam were a couple.  
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The next day at work Greg pulled her aside, just to check that everything was ok.

"I'm fine" were the words that escaped her mouth but all she could think of was how long until her shift was up so she could go home and have a drink.

But the Sarge was a trained negotiator. It was scary how well he knew how to read people.

"You shot a man dead yesterday Jules... and your fine?"

He leaned in closer, but being aware that she only stopped drinking about 2 hours ago made her jump back. _Did he smell it on me? Are there bags under my eyes?_

"It happens...and i'm fine"

She forced a fake smile. Something she felt she was going to have to get used to.

Greg nodded and whilst he was still not convinced, he knew Jules was a strong headed woman. She would never do anything stupid and if she needed help she would go to him..._right?_

After an intense work out and a long de-brief, Jules had a splitting headache which must've been the hang over kicking in. She dragged herself to her locker room. Again, she was alone, nobody to interrupt her or judge her. This was her sanctuary.

She opened up her locker in search for an aspirin but could only find pain killers. She couldn't even remember why she still had them but they would do the job just fine. She took one but her head killed _maybe a second won't be so bad._

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_**Reviews are more than welcome : )**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint blah blah blah**

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After a bottle of wine and a pain killer or two, Jules was fast asleep. She was expecting to have a wonderful sleep after her long day but instead found herself pulling the trigger over and over again. Watching as the man she shot dead fell down over and over again. _Did i do the right thing? Was he really going to shoot?_

She awoke in a pool of her own sweat shaking as she reached over for another pain killer; she picked up the bottle "**DO NOT TAKE WITH ALCOHOL**"

She slipped out a pill and washed it down with some beer that was next to her bed.

_I'm just going through a rough phase, i'm not addicted, i'll feel better in the morning_.

After a couple more beers and some aspirin, Jules made her way into HQ.

She had forgotten to eat something for breakfast but couldn't feel how hungry she was.

Everything around her seemed to be like a dream, a really odd dream. Things were spinning and she was obviously seeing things that weren't there. She avoided everybody as she rushed into her locker room to splash some water over her face.

_What's happening to me?_

She covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath.

_You can do this._

She walked out to the exercise room where team one were getting ready to start the day. After some quick hellos, Jules was able to make her way onto the treadmill. Things were going fine, all she had to do was run in a straight line. But with the room spinning around her that made things a little difficult.

After about 5 minutes of running, she couldn't take it anymore. She stepped off the treadmill and stumbled around as the rest of team one looked towards her.

"Jules?" Greg asked but before anyone could get off their equipment she had already fallen flat onto the ground.

Everybody rushed over to her as they quickly rolled her over.

"JULES!" She could hear them screaming but why were they yelling at her?

"I'm right here you don't need to yell"

She tried to sit up but her head felt like crap.

"Are you ok?" Ed asked, why did he look so concerned?

"Of course i am, what are you all doing?"

She looked down and noticed she was sitting on the floor surrounded by her team.

"Why am i on the ground?"

Now her head killed, she shivered in pain and placed her hand over the bruise that was quickly forming.

Everybody looked at Sarge as his face was a cross of confusion and concern.

"You passed out Jules" Greg said with a hint of fear in his voice.

That's when it all came back to her, the hallucinations, the room spinning.

She stood up, against the wishes of Greg. As she tried to balance herself on Sam and Wordy she held her head up high and brushed her clothes.

"Oh" She said, that's all she could think of. She walked over to a bench and sat down as the rest of the team followed her.

"I'm fine, really, just give me a sec"

"Lets get you to the hospital Jules, it was a nasty fall" Ed suggested.

"I'll just grab my things and I'll go myself" She urged. She knew that if anybody else took her, questions would be asked. Besides, she couldn't go to the hospital, they would surely know that she had been taking pain killers and had an addiction.

"Can you drive?" Sam asked

"I'll be fine" She insisted.

She walked back to her locker room as the rest of team one looked on.

"What the hell just happened?" Ed finally broke the silence.

"I wish I knew" Greg whispered.

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**Don't forget to review : )**


	4. Chapter 4

Jules drove home and raced upstairs where she collapsed on her bed. She looked over at the clock. 9am. Well that was a long day at work...not.

She walked into her bathroom where she stared at herself in the mirror.

_What have i become? Why am i doing this? I'm not addicted._

She had a bruise the size of a baseball on her forehead. _Lovely._

She looked next to her hand, flu tablets. She popped 6 out of the packet and swallowed them.

_Jules, what's wrong with you? You're better than this._

She laid back down on the bed and before she knew it she was asleep, only to be awoken by her phone, she picked it up. It was Greg.

"Hey" She said, clearly sounding drowsy and tired.

"Hey, you gave us quite a scare, what did the doctor say?"

She paused, _what do i say?_

"Dehydration"

"Oh, so are you feeling better now?"

"Much, just some water and a good sleep and i'll be ready for work tomorrow"

"If you're not ready to..."

Jules cut him off

"I'm ready, and if i feel i'm about to pass out i'll be sure to say something this time"

They both laughed and with that hung up from each other.

She looked over at the clock, 6pm.

_I was asleep for 9 hours?_

But she felt better. Her headache was gone and the room was no longer spinning.

In fact, Jules felt great, whenever she was physically or emotionally hurt, a simple pill and some wine could help her. What was so wrong with that?


	5. Chapter 5

After a couple of days, Jules had fallen into a routine.

Drink when she woke up, maybe some flu tablets or pain killers. Anything she could get her hands on. It wasn't illegal.

Drink coffee at work, and wear lots of perfume.

Drink when she got home and again maybe some pills.

Nobody suspected a thing. Or so she thought.

After a tough work out, her body ached. Sarge had worked them hard. As the boys walked back to their lockers to cool down, Jules opened her purse to take out two pain killers. She looked at the bottle; Not many left. She swallowed them down with a bottle of beer she had brought in.

_Seriously Jules, beer at work?_

As she put her purse back into the locker the alarm went off.

"Team one Hot call!"

Jules was assigned as Sierra one. This was something she took seriously.

She found an advantage point and said the words "I have the solution"

It was hard to concentrate though. _Why did I have to take them right before we got a call?_

She was getting drowsy and just wanted to sleep but she had a job to do.

Greg kept negotiating but this man was holding a gun to a child and was quickly escalating.

"Scorpio" The dreaded words that Greg hated saying but was forced to.

As the man lifted his gun and pointed directly at Greg, Jules pulled her trigger.

She stepped back from her weapon. She was too scared to look. She hadn't even noticed that she was shaking.

"Subject killed" Whilst Jules wasn't thrilled to hear those words, she knew she had done her job.

"But it looks like the bullet also hit the hostage, critical condition"

_No. What have I done?_


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok, so i do not know many facts about what would happen in this situation so please just remember that this is a fictional story and please don't yell at me if i get something wrong? Thanks : )**

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Jules mechanically made her way down stairs to the ground floor where the rest of the team were awaiting her arrival. But so were the SIU. She couldn't bear to look at Greg or Ed or any of the team for that matter. She walked straight over to the SIU officer that was waiting for her and practically through her gun at him. He opened the door of his car and she slid right in.

Team one looked on in despair. _Was Jules finally breaking?_

She kept going through it over and over again in her head. _How could I hit the little girl? Did she move? Was there wind? Was it the drugs?_

At the SIU the same questions were asked. Did you detect any wind? Did the girl move when you fired? "No" was all she could say. The situation was declared an accident due to human error.

"Just so you know, the little girl is ok. The bullet just grazed her shoulder and she's very grateful to you for stopping the suspect from shooting" The SIU officer said.

As if the day wasn't bad enough, Sarge wanted to debrief tonight so Jules was forced to make her way back to the SRU to discuss today's circumstances.

She slumped herself in a chair at the table in the briefing room without making eye contact with any of the team. She did not say a word.

"How did the SIU interview go Jules?" Greg asked in front of the team

Jules looked up for the first time and simply nodded "good"

"So was it the wind?" Ed asked, obviously everybody was curious as to how Jules could hit the hostage. She was practically perfect, one of the strongest on the team.

"Human error" Jules softly mumbled. And with that said she put her head back down and waited patiently for Greg to tell them to go home.

She knew what the Sarge was like though. He would want to talk to her, get her head straight, maybe offer her some time off. She didn't even want to look at him, she could barely look at herself.

After the debriefing was over, Jules was the first to get up and walk over to her locker.

Nobody dared stop her, she needed her alone time. She opened up her locker and looked at her little bag of goodies. Aspirin, flu tablets, pain killers; _take your pick Jules, you know your gonna have to. You won't be able to sleep tonight; this will just make things better._

Before she could make her choice, there was a knock at her locker room.

"Yes?" she said, with a sense of annoyance in her voice.

She kept her head looking down at her locker and did not bother to even turn around.

"Jules…"

_Crap, it's Greg. The last person I wanna see. Let's just get this over and done with._

"Mistakes happen…"

_How dare he!_

"I could've killed that girl!" Jules screamed, now the rest of team one were aware of what was going on.

"Because of what? HUMAN ERROR?" She yelled, still facing her locker.

"But you didn't" Greg tried to reassure her.

"Just talk to me Jules" He sounded desperate, almost as if he was begging her to do so.

She grabbed her bag and shut the locker as she stormed past Greg and out the door.

_She's cracking._

If only he knew.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ok so if some of the spelling looks odd, chances are it's because i'm Australian. Neighbourhood is spelt with a U : ) But the good thing is that i post most of my entries while you guys are all tucked up fast asleep in bed and when you wake up..theres my entry : ) Enjoy and keep those beautiful reviews coming!

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Jules loved the neighbourhood she lived in. Even if it was very close to the "bad" side of town. She never thought that this might come in handy.

It soon became clear that there were some pains that alcohol and pain killers could not fix. Jules longed for something stronger…even if it meant being illegal.

She parked the car at home and walked a few blocks in the dead of night. _What am I doing? I'm a police officer…in desperate need of..of..what? _She didn't even know what she wanted or what she was doing. Was this her thinking or was it the drugs.

She stood under the glare of a street light for no more than 5 minutes before a teen in a dark hoody approached her. _Run Jules…Run! Why aren't you running?_

"Hey, you looking to buy?" The boy asked her.

Jules felt like she was no longer in control of her body, she was doing things that she didn't even know if she wanted to do.

She pulled out all the money she had in her pocket and in return she was given a small bag of cocaine.

Jules could no longer blame her conscience. This was all her acting. She had spent all of adult life abiding by the laws even enforcing them and here she was…buying drugs.

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**The chapter too short for you? yeah me too. I guess i'll go right ahead and post the next one : )**


	8. Chapter 8

**So this one is longer then usual, so maybe i'll have more time to write up the next chapter! Let me know what you think.

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Jules tried to hide the fact that high school was hard for her.

Her mother died, her brothers were all off at college and her dad barely spoke a word to her. She was just the girl living in his house.

She made friends with the wrong crowd but could come home drunk or stoned and nobody would be there to stop her.

Her dad used to be a cop but after his wife died, his career died with her.

Illegal drugs weren't a new thing to Jules but it was also something she swore she would never come to again. They were only taken at the lowest point of her life, could it really be that she had hit rock bottom again?

Jules stared up at her ceiling. The light had a sort of day dreamy luminosity about it. Almost as if she was staring at the gates of heaven. Until she tilted her head down and could see she was in fact laying on the ground of her bathroom.

She wasn't sure what effect the Cocaine would have on her, honestly, she didn't care. Having killed 2 people in the space of 1 week and accidentally shooting a little girl, she didn't care about anything.

After her soothing nap on her bathroom floor, she stood up and suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of rage. She picked up the wine bottle sitting on the sink and hurled it across the room until it shattered against her shower and into thousands of tiny glass pieces on the floor.

And there she was staring at her reflection in the mirror yet again asking the same question, _what have I become_? She punched the mirror with all her strength until it too was in pieces on the floor. It took a while for the pain to set in before she curled up in a ball and cried tears of anger, embarrassment and hopelessness. She had never felt more alone in her life.

A couple of hours later, she woke up and realised she had fallen asleep on a floor of broken glass and lay in a small puddle of her own blood from her sliced hand. She lifted herself off the ground and stumbled across into her bedroom. Looking at the clock she knew she had an hour to get dressed and off to work. _Fantastic._

The happenings of last night were all a blur to Jules. In fact, she barely remembered driving to work.

She headed towards her locker but was surprised to see the rest of her team already hitting the exercise room, she looked at her watch to see that she was half an hour late. _Shit._

Team one soon became aware that Jules was there and everybody stopped what they were doing to say their hellos.

But as they all stepped close to her, looks of shock and disbelief came across their faces.

Due to her mirror being in pieces on her bathroom floor, Jules had forgotten to look at herself before getting to work. She had large dark bags under her bloodshot eyes and huge scars covered her hand.

The rest of the team quickly walked back into the gym and left this one to Greg.

She continued to make her way to her locker room but was closely followed by Greg who made it clear that he wanted to talk to her in private.

_I hate it when he does this. Has to know every little detail about my personal life. You're not my father, well you'll make a better father then my dad ever was. Concentrate Jules._

"Jules, you look like shit"

"Some negotiator you are" Jules muttered under her breath but Greg heard her just fine.

"Have you been drinking?"

She paused for a moment, before calming herself down and saying in a soft voice.

"I had a rough night, I would never put the team or the public at risk because of my behaviour" Jules said in a very sophisticated tone.

"You shot a little girl yesterday, how do you feel about that?" Greg was pushing, he needed to see if she would crack.

"Like shit" Unfortunately resulting in going back to her immature cocky answers.

Greg proceeded to sit down, and place his head in his palms.

"Go home, I cannot risk putting you out there"

"But I'm fine…"

"That wasn't a request!" Greg had never had to yell at one of his own like that before, let alone Jules.

_My job is the only thing keeping me sane. But it's the reason I went insane in the first place._

"If you're not sober tomorrow, I'll have to…" Greg couldn't finish his sentence, Jules is the last person he thought he would ever have to threaten.

"I'll be sober" She stated, making sure to look him directly in the eyes, he needed to know she was serious. This job meant everything to her.

"I'm only a phone call away" Greg added, he too looking Jules straight in the eyes.

_All he knows is that I had a rough night, he doesn't suspect a thing._


	9. Chapter 9

Most of Jules' friends and family lived in Toronto. She barely knew a person that didn't live there.

_Brampton is only about 40 minutes away. Close enough that I can drive to but far away that nobody will see me there._

If Jules was going to go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, it would have to be in a place where not a single person would know her. Brampton would have to do.

It had been quite a last minute decision to go to a NA meeting. It must've been made when the drugs were wearing off and for the brief moment of Jules' life when she could actually think for herself.

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She made her way into the community centre, trying to keep her head down and distance herself from everybody there. There were a lot more people than she had expected. Old men, young women, some didn't even look old enough to be drinking but had gathered enough courage to make their way to one of these meetings.

Jules chose to sit at the back of the room, in between a man that looked old enough to be her grandfather and a woman that looked as though she could give birth at any minute now.

"We are not interested in what or how much you used ... but only in what you want to do about your problem and how we can help"

She listened to the heart breaking stories of many of the addicts who had lost their family, their friends and their jobs before it hit her. That could be me.

The team felt uncomfortable around her, Greg didn't trust her anymore. She stopped calling her family and her job; well it was only a matter of time.

Most of the people that attended the meeting chose to stick around and chat, maybe drink some coffee but Jules just wanted to get out of there. She felt like a failure.

She was almost out the door when a familiar voice said her name

"Jules?"

_I drive 40 minutes out of my way to come here so nobody would have to know my secret and HE'S here?_

"Sam?"

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**You didn't think i could go an entire story about Jules without involving Sam now did you? Shame on you!**


	10. Chapter 10

Sam was the new comer of the team, the rookie, yet he fit in perfectly.

He was never depressed or unhappy. In fact, he was the one that kept it light on the way to a call. Always seemed to have a smile, how is that someone so happy could end up in a place like this?

_She's always been the strong one of the group. One of the boys. She never cried, never complained. She was always in control. How could someone so tough end up in a place like this?_

The silence was deafening. They both seemed to twiddle their thumbs and look down at the ground before Sam looked up.

"Would you like to grab some cheap, horrible coffee and walk around in the freezing cold?"

Again, somehow finding something funny to say at such an awkward moment.

"You sure know how to impress a girl" She joked

But his offer was perfect.

"I'd love to" She smiled. Not a pretend smile that she was forced to give now and then but a real smile.

They walked outside holding their cups of coffee and found a park bench under a street light to sit on.

Neither really knew what to say or ask. Both had a million questions running through their head but were too scared to ask.

Jules spoke first. "So does anyone know about this" She didn't look him in the eyes, instead just stared at the steam rising out of her coffee cup.

"No" He said, it sort of scared her how serious he could be with a simple 2 letter word.

"You?"

"No, I'm not even too sure on … this" She didn't know what to call it, she couldn't dare say she was an addict.

They each took a sip of their coffee.

"Do you mind if I ask…?" Jules wasn't sure if now was the right time to ask but she was just so curious.

"How I ended up here?"

"It's ok if you don't…"

Sam just gazed at her. He'd never felt safe or open with someone like this before. He trusted Jules so much, it was like they had been friends for years.

"I accidentally shot and killed my best friend in Afghanistan"

He looked away, almost as if he was about to cry.

"I…I'm sor…I didn't know" She muttered, clearly embarrassed for asking the question.

"It's ok, after that I turned to drugs and they took over my life. I've been clean for 2 months now" Now Jules' story seemed like an over dramatized child's play compared to Sam's.

"Now it's my turn…" He added

"Why are you here?"

Jules looked down at her coffee cup as her heart rate sped up.

"After shooting that man the other day I drank and when the alcohol wore off, I took the pain killers and when I wasn't taking pain killers it was flu tablets. Washing them down with a bottle of wine. Then I shoot a little girl and next thing I know I'm buying Cocaine"

She stopped for a breath. She had kept this in for almost a week now and she couldn't believe how amazing it felt to just get it off her chest.

"I'm punching mirrors, passing out on my bathroom floor and now I'm at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting"

Sam sat there in disbelief.

"You know, when I was trying to quit, it would've been nice to have someone to talk to, call whenever I felt I was going to take something. It would've made things a whole lot easier" Sam said.

He continued "I know I'm only sort of new and we're still getting to know each other but I know you're the sort of woman that likes to do things alone. You never ask for help. You look at it as some sign of weakness but it's not"

Usually Jules would fight back, say some smart ass remark but she didn't because he was right.

"If you think you're going to or you already have taken something please, just call me. Even if you just want to talk. You can trust me"

An overwhelming sense of relief came over her. She had told someone her secret and it felt good.

"I might just take you up on that offer" She giggled.

Sam put his usual smile back on his face before taking a sip of his coffee.

Neither one could really feel how cold it was, they were just both enjoying each other's company.

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Jules crawled into her bed, trying to piece together everything that had happened that night.

It was well past midnight and she knew she had to get a good nights sleep but as she tossed and turned she quickly realised that wasn't going to happen easily. She looked over next to her bed and saw some sleeping pills she'd bought. She picked up the packet and popped a few out.

_Please, just call me_

She hesitated

_You can trust me_

"Just this one time" And with that she washed the pills down with some water and laid back down in her bed

_Well that was quick. I may as well tattoo failure in big letters on my face. Sam shot and killed his best friend and he was able to quit…or has he? If he was clean for 2 months, why would he be at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting?_

But before she could think of answer she fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Jules was expecting the next day at work to be awkward but it wasn't. In fact, they each acted as if nothing had happened. Not even an occasional glance at each other, it was just another day at work.

This happened the next day and the day after that and the day after that.

_If he wanted to help me so much, why isn't he saying anything? Should I say something?_

Jules no longer had nightmares about shooting the little girl or ending either of the subjects' lives but this hadn't stopped her from taking the pain killers. The Cocaine could wait until she desperately needed it.

The Pain Killers turned into a necessity for Jules. She wasn't in pain and when she asked herself why she wanted them, she had no answer. Did she need them? No, she just had to have them.

One night, Team one were on patrol. Not the most fun part of their job, driving around the streets of Toronto, waiting for something to happen.

She wasn't even sure why but Jules had taken some extra pills which was sculled down with a bottle of wine. She sat in the car with Sam as they drove by the bright city lights. The night was quite cold but Jules found herself sweating uncontrollably. She was shaking slightly but was so transfixed on driving that she didn't even notice.

Sam switched his microphone off and politely signalled for Jules to do the same.

"You're sweating and it's freezing at the moment. Your hands are shaking and your eyes look drowsy" He said abruptly.

She didn't respond.

"What have you taken?" He asked

"Pain killers" She confessed. With a clear sound of guilt within her voice.

"Why?" Sam asked

_Why what? Why did you take them? Why didn't you call me? Why are you being such a stubborn bitch? All of the above?_

She kept her sight on the road and just shook her head

"I don't know"

"You need to get rid of the temptation, get rid of all the drugs you have, you don't need them"

She simply nodded. He was right.

Everybody headed back to the station where Team One was told to hit the gym just to fill in the time they had left until their shift was up.

Jules joined the rest of the team who were grouped around Spike and Wordy who were seeing who could bench press the most.

_Ugh, boys will be boys. Wordy should win this one easily. Ed could top that but I reckon Sam could give him a run for his money. Speaking of Sam, where is he?_

She looked around the room, there was Spike, Wordy, Lou, Ed, Greg and herself but where was Sam?

5 minutes later, after Wordy had clearly beaten Spike, Sam sneaked into the room and stood behind Greg. Nobody seemed to take any notice or be the slightest bit curious, but Jules was.

After their shift was up, Jules walked to her locker and pulled out her bag.

_I'll just take some sleeping pills. I can fall right asleep when I get home._

She opened up the zipper where she kept them, but they were gone. She rummaged throughout her bag but every single pill she had was gone. She threw the bag on the floor and searched around her locker. There were no drugs to be found.

She looked to her left and saw a note attached to her locker door.

**You don't need them**

**Sam.**

_How dare he! He went through my stuff. He took my pills. How could he?_

Suddenly, it was like she was on Cocaine all over again. That overwhelming sense of rage swept over her body and she was no longer in control. She slammed the locker door and got her stuff.

_I'm gonna kill him._


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks heaps for all the reviews.**

**A while ago i posted a Flashpoint video on YouTube but the audio got deleted coz of stupid copyright so i posted it on MotionBox.**

**I would really appreciate it if you guys would check it out and tell me what you think : )**

**motionbox (dot) com/videos/7a9edbb01b1de1c4f5  
**

**Thanks again!

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She raced outside to the parking lot where she could distinctively see Sam making his way towards his car.

The rest of Team one had already gone home except for Ed and Greg who were standing out the front of HQ chatting about the hockey game tonight.

She stormed past them without even acknowledging they were there.

Sam could hear loud footsteps racing up behind him and turned to see Jules headed towards him. He knew why she was there and that she may be slightly upset with him. That was an understatement.

Jules lifted up her hand and slapped him with all the force she had. He grabbed at his cheek in pain before placing his arms back down beside him.

She whacked him again, now with tears pouring down her face.

_Why am I crying? I don't even know. I just hate him so much._

Greg and Ed were now fully aware of what was happening but decided to stand back. Their looks of confusion didn't go unnoticed by Sam but the only person Jules could see was Sam.

"Is that all you've got?" Sam urged her on.

She shoved him back until he was pinned up against his car.

"How could you!" She shouted while pointing her finger at him.

"I..." But before he could get his words out she slapped him again.

Greg and Ed moved forward to separate the two but Sam held up his hand and motioned for them not to.

Jules, however, was still only engrossed in Sam.

"I need them" She said quietly, as the tears rolled down her cheek and the sound of despair returned back to her voice.

"No you don't, you WANT them, there is a difference. I'm helping you" Sam calmly said.

She pushed him again. Sam didn't dare fight back. He didn't block her or try to hit her, besides, this wasn't Jules. It was the drugs.

_Don't say it. Shut your mouth._

But it was too late.

"Oh yeah, your helping me? Well who's helping you? You've been clean for 2 months? Bullshit. Why would you keep going to NA meetings if you were clean?"

Greg and Ed could clearly see the argument but luckily for Sam and Jules they could not hear what they were saying.

"I know that at any moment, I could fall straight back in to old habits. I go for the support" He said while biting his lip.

_How dare she._

"Clearly you don't need support, I want to help, but you don't need it" He picked up his bag and opened his car door.

"You're on your own" And with that drove away.

Jules stood there for a moment. She was used to being on her own but this was different. He was different. She didn't want him. She needed him.

She turned around and to her embarrassment could see that Greg and Ed had witnessed the entire argument. They both started walking towards her but she turned the opposite direction and headed for her car.

"You saw it too right? I'm not imagining things" Ed asked

"What the hell was that about?" Greg questioned.

"That was Jules crying?"

"What could Sam have done to her?"

"You don't think she's hurt?"

They each asked these questions and more but neither had any answers.

"What happens now?" Ed asked.

Greg was usually good in tough circumstances but this was completely new to him.

"Let's finish of this paper work and we should both go over her house tonight"

********

Jules walked through the door. The place was dark and empty. As usual.

She walked over to her fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine and a wine glass.

Before she could even take a sip, there was a knock at her door.

As she opened the door she was half expecting to see Greg and Ed standing there with their confused and worried faces but instead, to her surprise, Sam was there.


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm getting used to this cliff hanger thing mwahahaha

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**

Jules stood in the doorway looking back at Sam. He had the most beautiful hazel-bluish eyes. She could see a sense of anger within them but mostly she could see the guilt and sorry covering his face.

"Can I come in?" He asked politely. Like a true gentleman.

Jules moved out of the way as to let Sam walk in. They headed into the kitchen where she pulled out another wine glass and poured him a drink.

Jules took a small sip as she watched Sam scull his glass empty. As he put the glass down she could clearly see a large bruise across his face from their argument earlier.

"I'm sor…" But before Sam could get the rest of his words out Jules interrupted

"No, I'm sorry. That was fucked up" She had to be honest

"I wasn't in the right frame of mind but that was no excuse" She added

"I'm sorry I hit you but most of all I'm sorry I said…" She paused. She didn't want to repeat her accusation.

"That" She looked down at her wine glass and took another sip.

"Let's move on" Sam finally said

"I forgive you and that's that" He smiled.

"So now I have an important question to ask" Sam said.

_No, I don't wanna talk about drugs right now. Can't we just talk about the weather or something?_

"How am I going to explain to the rest of the team how I got this bitch-slap-bruise on my face?"

Jules almost spat her wine out in laughter.

They both went quiet when there was a knock at the door and this time, Jules was almost certain that it would be Greg and Ed. Sam stayed in the kitchen at the end of the hall while Jules made her way to the front door.

As expected, Sarge and Ed were standing at her front door with that dreaded look of sympathy on their faces.

Before any of the three said a word Jules opened the door to let them in. The two men only took a couple of steps before they saw Sam standing in Jules' kitchen.

Each glanced at each other in confusion.

"We've worked with you for almost 5 years now and you've never once lost your temper at us like that before" Ed said.

Jules and Sam let out a little giggle before Greg spoke.

"If our team can't work together as a team then we may as well send a bunch of teenagers with guns in to save the day"

"Whatever it was that went on between you two tonight, I need to know that it's been sorted and that it will never interfere with your job's" He added

"Whatever IT was, IT has been sorted" Jules reassured him.

She turned around to look at Sam who threw her a cheesy a smile and a thumbs up.

Again, Greg and Ed found themselves looking back at each other with expressions of utter confusion. These two were hiding something and they knew it.

"Look, there is a reason why romantic relationships between team members are forbidden" Greg stated

But he was soon silenced by the deafening hysterics of laughter bursting out of Jules and Sam's mouth.

As they tried to calm themselves down Sam spoke first.

"We are not having a romantic relationship" He tried to say as maturely as he could

Ed scratched is head. This day had just gone from weird, to weirder to weirdest.

"Well then what could make Jules wanna bitch-slap you like that?" Out of curiosity, Ed just had to ask.

"He has a habit of singing in the car on the way back from a call, his horrible voice must've gotten to me this time" Jules joked.

It was at this moment that Jules thought how perfect this felt. She had 3 of her closest friends in her house, laughing and talking. She liked it.

But the night had to come to end. Greg and Ed left first and Sam finished off his 3rd glass of wine before making his way out the door.

He paused in the doorway and looked back at Jules. He smiled at her almost as if he was waiting for her to call out to him, make him stay but she didn't.

She had gone almost 4 hours without taking a single pill.

_That's gotta be a new record._

But as she turned around, she was alone again.

_No, please no, I don't want this to happen._

Suddenly every emotion of happiness left her body and she was in a world of sinister thoughts and loneliness.

_No, I was happy, why can't I be happy?_

It was as if she was programmed to be happy around people. She bottled up every single emotion she had within her and waited until she was alone to let it out.

_Why did he leave?_

She found herself walking to the bathroom.

_Just a small hit. That's all I need._

It's hard to explain what Cocaine made Jules feel like. It was almost as if every worry in the world disappeared in an instant. Any negative emotions are gone. All the hurt and pain she had ever felt just vanished.

But it wore of quickly. The argument with Sam returned to her. Memories from her teen years came back. Her mother's death.

She spent the rest of her night leaning over a toilet bowl and crying her eyes out as random snippets of her life flashed before her eyes.

She picked herself up of the ground and dusted off her knees. It was 7am. Team one had the late shift yesterday but unfortunately was forced to work an early shift this morning.

Jules didn't consider herself an expert but she knew how to cover the signs of a bad night. Make up and coffee. It could never heal the pain inside of her but hopefully questions wouldn't be asked.

She was about to make her way out the door before she raced back upstairs and grabbed the small bag of Cocaine she left on the bathroom sink. She placed it in her handbag and continued out the door.

She was used to sleeping pills at work even flu tablets and aspirin washed down with a beer but never anything illegal. The list of stupid mistakes she had made was growing and this was at the top.

Sam's bruise had almost completely disappeared, thankfully. Jules spent the morning being held hostage by Lou as Wordy acted as negotiator. She died twice that morning but luckily for her Ed knew what he was doing.

As Team one sat around the briefing room listening to Greg go on about mental illnesses in a hostage situation, Jules was staring off into the distance thinking about what had happened last night and what she knew was in her bag.

_The day is quiet. I'm bored out of my mind. I know what would make this day more interesting._

_No, I sound like a bloody teenager, please, I'm at work for god's sake._

It was like she had an angel on one shoulder and the devil on her other.

Greg finished up his lecture and let the team go off for a 20 minute break. The boys made their way to the locker room and as per usual, Jules made her way to her locker room.

_20 minutes, that's all I need._

She had been craving it all morning.

She pulled the Cocaine out and stared at it for a moment.

_Should I…shouldn't I_

But her addiction was too strong. For the first 10 minutes, it was pure heaven. She felt on top of the world, like she was untouchable. It was like a taste of perfection.

But the mood changed, and that hard splash of reality came back.

_I'll just take a little bit more, nobody has to know._

She started to get hot and took her gear off. She was sweating intensively. She became quite agitated and it was almost as if she forgot where she was.

She stood up and started pacing back and fourth.

"He said Scorpio, I was allowed to shoot, the little girl wasn't meant to go down"

She repeated the same memories over and over again. Almost as if she was acting them out.

The guys were ready to hit the gym but Jules hadn't come out of her locker room yet.

Being team leader, Greg decided to make his way to Jules' locker.

Ed, Wordy, Spike and Lou stood outside in the hallway. Wordy was talking about his little girl's 6th birthday party wishes before he was interrupted by a smash that could be heard coming from Jules' locker room and a loud yell from Greg.

The four men took no hesitation and ran in to the locker room.


	14. Chapter 14

**Uniquefreak202: I'm trying to keep this Jules centric i swear! Sorry if i've dissapointed you

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**

Greg knocked on the door and called out to Jules. She didn't respond but Greg could here her talking.

_Is she on the phone?_

He knew better then to eavesdrop but this was different, she wasn't talking to anybody, she was talking to herself.

He turned the corner into Jules' locker room and could see her walking back and fourth repeating the same words over and over again

"I shot him not the little girl…"

"Jules?" Greg asked but she did not reply.

He reached out his hand to touch her shoulder but she turned around and elbowed him in the face. Greg fell and accidentally smashed a glass of perfume on the counter.

He was quickly joined by Ed, Spike, Wordy and Lou who stood in shock in the doorway as they watched Jules sink herself into the corner of the room and slide her body down the wall.

********

Sam sat on the phone to his mother in the men's locker room.

"Mum, I've really gotta go, my break finished almost 10 minutes ago" He said impatiently.

He hung up from his mother and continued tying up his shoe laces. He wasn't in any rush, this was just one of those boring uneventful days.

He stood up and looked around the locker room before he realised that everybody had already gone up to the gym. He quickly walked up to the exercise room before he realised that nobody was there.

_Where the hell are they? Is this some sort of joke? HAHA real funny. I blame my mother, she could talk all day if she had the chance._

It didn't take long for him to hear the noise coming from Jules' locker room.

*******

Jules sat in the corner of the room rocking back and forward like a scared child. It wasn't long before the guys noticed the small amount of Cocaine that was left on the counter.

It was hard to explain the thoughts and emotions running through Greg's head. He had to try and put them all aside and be the negotiator that he was.

"Jules, its Greg, is everything ok?" It was amazing how calm he was. This wasn't just a team mate to him, Jules was family.

"Everything is fine…just fine…" She placed her face in her palms and started repeating the words over and over again.

"You said scorpio" As she said it, she forced herself to stand up balancing one hand on the closest locker and the other on her weapon.

Sam made his way over towards Jules' locker room where he stood at the door.

_What are they doing in there?_

He casually walked in before he too was almost in shock at the site.

The entire room turned around to look at him, including Jules.

"Sam?" Jules quietly said.

"Hey…" He tried to say as calmly as he could "What you doin?"

She tightened her grip on her weapon and burst into tears.

"I…I hit Greg" She sobbed

Sam looked over at Greg who at this point had a bleeding nose but seemed to busy dealing with Jules to notice.

The rest of the team watched in amazement. Jules was completely transfixed on Sam. Nobody dared to interrupt, not even Greg.

"Well, he's a strong guy, I'm sure we can fix him" Sam stated trying to lighten the mood. He remained completely composed when inside he was filled with fear. It was then that he too caught the sight of the Cocaine on the counter.

"You've been using?" He asked with a slight tone of annoyance

It was then that Jules pulled her gun out and grasped it tightly in her hand. The rest of the team took a small step back as Sam took a step forward.

She placed the gun to her head and rubbed it against her fringe. It was almost as if she didn't even know it was a gun.

"I just want it to go away" She cried

"You want what to go away?" Sam asked

She took a few heavy breaths through the tears before she quietly spoke

"The pain"

The rest of the guys in the room looked on in absolute despair. She was like a younger sister to them. And they were all the over protective brothers. She had been upset before, and a couple of beers could fix that. But this, this was different.

Sam took another step forward before Jules threw her weapon on the floor and raced into his arms. He wrapped them tightly around her as she poured her heart out into his chest.

"Shhh, its ok…its ok" He reassured her.

She pulled herself out from Sam's grasp and looked him in the eyes.

"Go get your stuff and wait in the car, I'll drive you home" Sam sternly said.

She kept her head down as she grabbed her things and walked out the door.

Sam turned to look at Greg, Ed, Wordy, Spike and Lou who all stood in silence. None of them had anything to say.

Sam walked over to Jules' gun on the floor and picked it up before placing it in Greg's hands.

"I'll drive her home and then I'll come straight back" Sam said. This was a side that the team didn't often get to see. Mature, protective Sam.

"OK" Was all that Greg could say.

He grabbed the Cocaine and threw it in the bin on his way out of the building.

As Sam left the locker room, the rest of team one stood there for a moment. None of them were able to process all that had just happened. Greg moved forward and told everybody to go into the briefing room.

As they all sat around the table everybody had a million questions to ask but nobody would know the answers.

Ed turned to Greg, "What happens now?"

Greg looked around the table. He had five grown men looking at him like they had just seen a ghost. Mixtures of fear, confusion and guilt. How could none of them have not seen this before? How could they not know she had a problem?

"She had an illegal substance in the building. She was under the influence while on duty" Greg said while trying to remain calm.

"I have no choice" He added.

"You don't think we could…" Ed paused and looked around the table "Keep this…in the family?"

They all knew what he meant. This was a tight nit group; it didn't have to get out to the rest of the SRU that Jules had a breakdown.

***

Jules remained silent throughout the entire car ride. She too was having troubles processing what had happened.

Sam pulled up to her house and turned the car off. Again, neither one said anything.

"Do you have any more Cocaine in the house?" Sam asked. He looked her directly in the eyes. She needed to know he was serious.

"No, that was it."

"I need to go back to work. My shift is up in a couple of hours and I will be back"

"I trust you Jules, more than anybody else; I need you to promise me you won't do anything stupid"

"I promise" She could've just as easily said the words without meaning but she really meant this promise.

***

Sam entered the SRU with a thousand thoughts running through his head. He walked past the gym where the rest of his team were working out but had stopped to focus on Sam. Ed pointed over to the briefing room where Greg was.

He walked over to Sarge, who put down is paper work as soon as he noticed Sam. He felt like he was walking into the principal's office, right after he had just gotten in trouble.

"Sit down" Greg said as he pulled out a chair for Sam.

"How's she doing?"

"She just made her drug addiction known to her entire team while pointing a gun to her head and she's lost the job that meant the world to her" Sam took a deep breath before waiting to see what Greg would say.

"How long have you known?"

"About a week"

"And the fight you two had the other night, did it have something to do with this?" Things were starting to click for Greg. Like puzzle pieces falling into place.

"Yes"

"I'm gonna keep this one as quiet as I can. She'll have to come in and clean out her stuff"

Sam just nodded.

"She knows that everybody here would give up whatever they were doing to help her in a heartbeat. But you, you're something special to her Sam. Battling an addiction isn't easy, and she's gonna need someone to be there for her"

Sam knew exactly what he meant. Having nobody to lean on. Nobody to call. Nobody to hold your hand. It was something he knew all too well.

"Take care of her"

They both smiled, Sam didn't want to admit it but he knew deep down inside that Jules was more then a team mate, more then a friend. She needed him and in a way, Sam needed her.

They each made their way into the gym where the usual sound of jokes and laughter was replaced by silence.

_What am I supposed to say at a time like this?_

"Crazy morning huh" Sam said with a small smirk on his face. The rest of the team smiled back and continued on with what they were doing.

Sam had never wanted leave work more than ever before. He just wanted to see that she was ok.

_Should I have left her alone?_

When 5 o'clock hit, Sam was out the door as fast as he could.

He walked in to Jules house. It was small but cosy. Smelt like paint, but he liked that.

_How will she take this? She's just had a huge melt down. She's not suicidal is she?_

Sam expected to find her curled up in ball, crying her eyes out. But to his surprise, she wasn't.

In fact, there she was in front of him, her hair pulled back into a neat bun and a frilly pink apron on serving up two plates of dinner.

"Ummm…Jules?"

When she wasn't in her uniform, Jules could always be found in a t-shirt and jeans but this…this was just weird.

"You hungry?"

* * *

**mwahahaha**

**Now i bet you weren't expecting THAT.  
**


	15. Chapter 15

Sam had to turn around; he looked around the house just to make sure that this was in fact Jules' house. He hadn't walked into the wrong house had he?

Nope, this was definitely her house and that was definitely Jules standing in front of him.

"And before you ask, no, I haven't had anything. I'm completely clean and sober" Jules said with a large smile on her face.

She looked back at Sam, who was still standing in the exact same spot with that same look of shock on his face.

"So, are you hungry?" She asked again.

"Umm" He had to think for a moment. He was still astonished at the sight of Jules in an apron that he couldn't remember if he was hungry or not.

"Yeah, I guess"

He walked forward into the kitchen where he pulled up a seat at the counter. Jules bent down to reach the plates out of the oven and as she did her tattoo on her lower back was revealed to Sam.

_Now that's more like it. That's a real lady._

She pulled out the steaming plates of lamb, mashed potato and vegies. It smelt divine. Better then the reheated Spaghetti Sam was planning on having for dinner.

Jules took of the apron and sat across the counter from Sam.

They each started eating as Sam talked about anything she may have missed out on at work. Honestly, the day was just as boring as it was when she left. Minus the whole melt down of course.

As they finished up, Jules put her knife and fork down and began to speak.

"I've messed a lot of things up" She said.

Sam looked up at her, he too had put his knife and fork down.

"But I really wanna start getting things right now" She added

"What do you mean?" Sam asked. There were so many things she could mean.

"Well, I wanna get this right…"

"Us" She added

He smiled and put his hand out across the table where Jules placed hers on top.

This feeling here was better then anything a drug could make her feel like. This was real. Somebody to hold. Were they moving too fast? No, in fact, this had taken too long to get to.

"I just need to know that you'll be here when I get back…"

"I could be gone for a while" Jules said

"What…What are you talking about?" Sam asked

"Sam, I can't do this. I need help" She paused and looked down at her hand, still holding Sam's.

"I'm going to rehab"

There was a brief moment of silence.

"Rehab?" Sam asked

"Yes. It's only about an hour away. After my first three weeks, I can choose if I want to stay or not"

"But the first three weeks are compulsory?"

"Well, yeah"

"I can't see you for three weeks?"

"We officially started this relationship a couple of minutes ago and you're already upset that I'll be gone?"

"Officially, I wanted this relationship to start the first time I saw you and even if we weren't a couple, I would still miss you"

Jules' heart melted. It was like a line out of a cheesy romantic chick flick, but he was really saying it. She hated the feeling but doubt consumed her body.

_Will rehab really work? Will it ruin our relationship? Am I making a mistake?_

"Jules, do what you need to do. I'll be here waiting. Take as long as you need"

Sam realised how selfish he was being. Only thinking about how Jules going to rehab would make him feel. This was all about her, not him.

Jules' eyes started to fill up with water and despite her best efforts not to, a tear fell down her cheek but was quickly wiped off by Sam.

"I…I don't deserve you" She spoke through the tears.

Sam lifted her up and brought her into a passionate kiss.

"You are the most amazing woman in the world. You have one of the toughest jobs ever but you were able to cope while battling a drug addiction. Now, you're willing to give everything up so you can fix it"

Jules tears were replaced by a huge smile. Her arms were still wrapped around Sam's neck and his were still on her waist.

"I leave tomorrow" She wasn't sure if now was the best time to tell him but she had to eventually.

"Then we shouldn't waste any time" Now Sam too had a huge smile on his face. They walked out of the kitchen and upstairs the entire time their lips locked on each others and still ripping each others clothes off at the same time.

She never wanted this night to end, neither did Sam. Jules fell asleep wrapped tightly by Sam's arms. He didn't want to let go but as he opened his eyes to see the morning sun creeping through the curtains, he could also see the large suit case that Jules had packed with all her things. He kissed her neck gently and leaned over to see her eyes shut but that large grin still on her face.

It was still only early but he tip toed down stairs to make Jules some breakfast.

_Hmm, bacon and eggs? Nah, I can't even cook them. Pancakes? Does she even like pancakes? Well pancakes it is._

He managed to get a pretty decent pancake out and poured her a glass of orange juice. He found a tray to put it on and grabbed a knife and fork. He looked around the room and saw the pink apron, not being able to resist, he put the apron on and grabbed Jules' breakfast and headed upstairs.

He opened the door to Jules' bedroom to see her sitting up in her bed. She looked anxious but was soon cheered up by Sam standing in her doorway with a pink apron on and holding a delicious breakfast.

She let out a soft giggle before ordering him to stay there. She reached over to pick up her phone and started taking photos of him.

He crawled onto the bed where he handed her the tray of pancakes.

"You like pancakes right?"

She giggled again and nodded her head. Sam watched in anticipation as she took the first bite.

She chewed a bit before scrunching up her face in horror. Sam almost shrunk in embarrassment before she laughed and swallowed.

"It tastes fine Sam, really, what can go wrong with pancakes?"

"With my cooking, a lot!"

After a few bites they both went quiet. One day, that's all they had together as boyfriend and girlfriend before Jules was gone for three weeks, it was going to feel like a lifetime.

"You nervous?" He asked

She swallowed the last of her pancake before turning and looking at Sam who was still in his pink apron.

"A little" She admitted

He wiped her fringe out of her face before kissing her forehead.

"You'll be fine"

Jules looked around the room and realised she still had quite a lot to pack.

"You wanna take the apron?" Sam asked. He was trying desperately to lighten the mood when inside, he was feeling almost as shitty as Jules.

"But Sammy, it suits you so well, I wouldn't wanna take that from you" She laughed.

_She called me Sammy. I like it. I hate it when my mother calls me Sammy but Jules, she can call me whatever she likes._

"When you get the chance, do you think you would be able to clear out my locker?" She didn't want to bring it up but she had to.

"I don't think there is much in there but you can just throw it all into a box and leave it here"

Sam was just looking back at her and nodding.

"Sure"

That morning seemed to go quicker than any other day. It got to 9am and Sam was dressed and ready for work and Jules was packed and ready for rehab.

They walked outside silently, Sam carrying Jules' bag. He placed it in the back of her jeep and shut the door. They were headed in opposite directions so this was goodbye.

"You're going to do great. I know you'll come back and be stronger than ever before" He took her hand and held it in his.

"You're just saying that to make me feel better" She smiled as she kissed him

"Is it working?"

"No but the kissing is"

The two looked like they had been in love for years and at that very moment, they felt like they had been in love for years.

Jules hopped in the front seat as Sam closed the door. She slowly drove out of the driveway as Sam waved goodbye. She blew him a kiss and before he knew it, she was down the street and out of sight.

He got into his car and placed his hands on the wheel. He didn't know what to feel. Angry? Sad? Happy? He knew one thing for sure, he was head over heels in love and as long as she was alive, he would wait for her.

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**keep those wonderful reviews coming : )**


	16. Chapter 16

Jules was led down the quiet corroders of the rehabilitation centre. It wasn't vibrant or colourful. It was just plain. She was led into a small room. It just had a bed and bathroom. Sort of like a cheap hotel.

She opened up her suit case and right on top was a large envelope with "JULES" written on it.

She opened it up and found a bunch of photos. The first were of Sam in his beautiful pink apron. The next one was of Jules sound asleep with a smile on her face. She continued to flick through them, some were of the team and others of her family until she got to the very last photo. She hadn't even seen this photo before but it was by far her favourite. It was from the first day her and Sam met. Team One were all sitting around the table and everybody was off having their own conversations and there was Sam and Jules looking at each other eye to eye laughing.

_He never ceases to amaze me._

_******_

Back at the SRU, the day was quiet again.

Sam tried not to be alone, he knew that questions would be asked and frankly, he didn't want to answer them.

He sat in the locker room wiping the sweat of his face while trying hard not to think about Jules.

_What should I have for dinner? I think there might be some Chinese in the fridge. I wonder what the foods like at the rehab, probably better than what I'm cooking._

Somehow, every thought he had could be linked to Jules.

He stood up but could see that the rest of team one had gathered around his locker.

"Hows she doing?" Greg asked

It was obvious from Jules' melt down that her and Sam had something going on.

"Umm…yeah…she's good" Sam said while nodding but not making eye contact.

"We just can't get onto her, we'd love to see her, just to see how she's doing" Ed spoke up.

Wordy, Spike and Lou stood there in silence.

Sam started scratching his neck, he became slightly agitated.

"Umm, well that's gonna be a bit hard to do" He said nervously.

"She's uh…she's in rehab" He added

There was no easy way to say it. May as well just get out quick. Rip it off like a bandaid.

"She's gone for 3 weeks at least"

"And how do you feel about that?" It was something that everybody expected Greg to say but it was in fact Wordy who had asked it.

"Whatever it takes, you know, if her being away for 3 weeks is going to help than hey, why not?" Sam tried to sound pleased, tried to sound like he was happy for her because deep down he knew he was but he couldn't help but feel like he had failed her. Most people were scared of spiders or the dark but for most members of the SRU, it was failure that scared them the most.

Jules had failed to stop taking drugs there for leading to an addiction.

Sam had failed to help Jules therefore leading her to go off to rehab.

And the rest of the team had failed to see that there was anything wrong and thus loosing a valuable member of their team.

The question was etching on everybody's tongue but no one seemed quite game enough to ask it, except for Spike.

"So…are you two…like…you know?"

_Haha, trust Spike to be the one to ask. Yes, she's my girlfriend, anybody have a problem with that?_

Sam smiled and simply nodded his head.

"We knew it, all those times you two didn't look at each other in the briefing room. Barely speaking a word to each other, we knew something was up" Spike added.

They didn't quite realise that they were slightly wrong but Sam didn't argue with them. He just left it at that.

****

Sam walked into his apartment. It was quiet and empty. A real bachelor pad. He opened the fridge to pull out a beer before sitting in front of the tv. He was trying to watch the news but was so unable to concentrate that he didn't take in a single word the news reader was saying.

_I'm pathetic, I should've been able to help her. I was the only one that knew her secret and I let her down and because of my stupidity I've lost her. What if she's found someone in rehab?_

He shook his head before heading to his bedroom and opening up the bottom of his drawers. He moved aside the clothes to reveal a small box. He slowly opened it up to reveal a bundle of containers of anti-depressents.

All were prescribed to someone but none of those pills had Sam's name on it.

* * *

**Sorry, I was trying not to leave a cliffhanger but that would've been a boring chapter without it :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**This is sort of a rushed chapter. It's late and i just wanted to get a chapter up before i went to bed so i haven't even proof read it yet, sorry.

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**

There was no doubt that in the SRU days seemed to be longer than usual. But when you add in the fact that you can't see the girl of your dreams for 3 weeks well than it seems that days couldn't get any slower.

However, today was the day. He repeated her words in his head over and over again. _"After my first three weeks, I can choose if I want to stay or not"_

_What if she doesn't want to come back? What if she's not ready? What if she doesn't wanna live in Toronto? She could go start a new life somewhere else._

Sam was always quite the pessimist. When you witnessed the things he did day after day then sooner or later you start to lose your sense of optimism.

That never meant that he wasn't prepared, just in case that one thing he was hoping for did in fact happen.

Sam had been in quite a happy mood that day and as much as he tried to hide it, he was acting like a kid on Christmas Day.

_I don't even know for a fact if she's coming back today._

After curiosity got the better of him Ed just had to ask.

"And why might you be in such a good mood today?"

The rest of the team turned the heads to Sam for an answer.

"It's that obvious?" Sam laughed

"That smile hasn't left your face since you got here" Greg added

"Well, I'm not one to get my hopes up but…" He paused and looked around the table

"BUT WHAT?" The suspense was too much for Spike to handle.

"It's 3 weeks today" Sam said quietly.

The rest of the team nodded their heads as they finally understood.

***

Sam was sitting in the guy's locker room on the phone. Trying desperately to not let anybody hear him.

"Yes mum, just put it in the back seat of my car. I'll be out in a sec"

Sam practically skipped his way out of the station. He was just about to cross the parking lot to his car before he spotted her.

There she was, rugged up warmly in a beautiful coat and her hair blowing in the breeze.

_Jules_

She walked slowly towards him before a huge grin came upon Sam's face and he opened his arms wide as she bolted towards Sam before jumping into his arms as they kissed each other.

He placed her gently on the ground.

"Hi" She said, sounding like a teenage school girl

"You were coming back _today? _I totally forgot" Sam sarcastically said

"Shut up you" She laughed as she kissed him again.

"What did you think of the photos" He asked

"Perfect" Jules said after finally getting off her tippy toes from kissing him.

"You know I found this old photo of you in your albums that gave me an idea" Sam said

Jules looked at him with curiosity.

Sam pulled her over to the car where he opened up the backseat door. Out jumped an 8 week old Siberian Husky. Its fur was beautifully soft and fluffy.

Jules gasped with excitement.

"A Husky?" She asked softly

"Just like the one…" Sam continued but was cut off by Jules

"I had when I was little" She was dumbfounded.

If he was trying to impress her, it was working.

"She's your to keep" Sam said whilst transfixed on her eyes.

She kissed him again before looking up at him with a face of confusion.

"Umm Sam? You didn't leave her in here all day did you?"

Sam laughed

"No, I made my mum come by just a couple of minutes ago and put her in here"

"I just hope she didn't leave us any presents in the back seat of my car" He added

He paused; there they were again just staring at each others eyes like a newly wed couple.

"I have no food at my place" Jules finally said

"Well, then back to my place it is and trust me, my cooking skills have improved massively in the past 3 weeks"

"Oh yeah? Than what's for dinner?" Jules asked while wrapping her arms around him.

"Well lets see, baked beans or baked beans on toast?" Sam said, Jules was expecting him to laugh with her before she realised he was serious.

*******

The two walked into Sam's house hand in hand.

"You still have to name her you know" Sam said to Jules.

"Hmmm, so it has to be a pretty girls name but not prissy. How about Sierra?"

Sam smiled

"And so after this one dies, we'll have a Sierra two?" Sam added

"Maybe that one can look just like Ed?" Jules joked

"No way, we'd have to completely get rid of its fur!"

After they fed Sierra and themselves, the time came to be serious and discuss Jules' time in rehab.

"So, are we gonna talk about it?" Sam finally said

"There really isn't much to tell. I spent 25% of my time sitting in group therapy discussing my problem, another 25% listening to other's problems and I think the other 50% was spent over a toilet bowl"

"But, it was worth it? I mean you're clean?"

"I never want to touch another drug in my life" She stated proudly. This wasn't one of her small lies that she covered up with a pretty smile. This was the truth. She was forced to put her stubbornness aside and accept the truth before she could start to get rid of the addiction.

"So, the guys have been quite worried about you. I know they would love to see you" Sam said, a little hesitant as to the answer.

"Well…I dunno Sam" She looked down at her fidgeting fingers before Sam grabbed hold of them.

"Well, I never did get around to cleaning out your locker, you could come in tomorrow and pick up you stuff"

That was a hard topic to bring up. Sam had all the time in the world to clean out her locker but the only reason he didn't was that it meant this was for real. She wouldn't be coming back. Things just wouldn't be the same without her.

"I completely took for granted their friendship. I've lost their trust and it would just be embarrassing to see them. I don' think it's a good idea"

"They love you, like a little sister. You should've seen the looks I got when I told them we were dating. If this doesn't work out, you should know that I could never go back to work, my life would be at risk!"

"They just wanna see your face, it'd be a nice thing to see around the SRU. I'm kinda getting sick of watching sweaty men walk around the place."

For someone who wasn't excellent at negotiating skills, he sure knew how to get his way.

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**This doesn't really count as a cliffhanger right?**

**Sorry for the boring ending, but something should be up tomorrow hopefully : )  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**ZZZZZZZ try not to fall asleep during this chapter lol. I think i might have to start wrapping this story up...arghh please don't scorpio me!

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**

"Will you just relax?" Sam's voice a cross of annoyance and laughter

"That's easy for you to say, you didn't snort Cocaine at work and then elbow Greg in the face" Jules added. She was surprised that she was somehow able to make a joke out of the situation so soon.

"Team one's shift doesn't start for another hour. We'll probably be done before anybody even comes in" Sam tried to reassure her.

All they had to do was clean out her locker and Jules could be off to spend a day at home all alone.

_Can't wait._

Jules had worked at the SRU for 5 years; she was surprised at how she could fill her locker room with so much junk.

"When was the last time you cleaned this thing out?" Sam asked while picking up a muesli bar that looked like it had been there for months.

"I had other priorities" She smirked while filling up the already over flowing garbage bag with items she had forgotten were even in her locker.

They were having such a fun time, for a brief moment they almost forgot why they were doing it.

"Hey babe?" Sam asked. Jules still had her face buried deep in her locker picking up pieces of god knows what.

"Yeah?" She turned around to see her boyfriend attempting to fit into her SRU shirt.

"Does this make me look fat?" He asked while the buttons were almost popping out of place.

She smiled, trying her hardest not to laugh but with Sam walking up and down the locker room like it was runway, it's pretty hard not to.

"Sam are you in…" But before Greg could get the rest of his words out he too was staring down at Sam in Jules' shirt.

Whilst most people would be shocked to see that, he was more interested in seeing Jules.

"Jules" Sarge said in an almost surprised voice.

Sam quickly started unbuttoning his shirt before looking at his watch.

"Oh crap, I better get out there with the rest of the guys" Sam quickly rushed out of the room leaving Jules in there with Greg.

He felt slightly guilty, that was the last position she wanted to be in.

"Hey" She said quietly while inspecting his face.

_No bruises. Thank god._

"How you been?"

"Alright" This small talk wasn't working out.

"I never really got to apologize for...everything"

"Mistakes happen" As much as Greg hated the words, it was the only thing he could think of.

"Well this was one pretty big mistake that should've never happened in the first place" Jules tried to correct him but there was just no use with Greg. He was _always _right.

Greg sat down beside her.

"Jules, you know we have strict rules within the SRU"

This didn't sound too good. All the thoughts running through Jules head. Where could he possibly be going with this sentence?

"There are some loopholes though"

"Loopholes?"

"Well, I have to sign some paperwork explaining your reasons for quitting the Team One…"

"Wait, quitting?" Jules was getting more confused by the second.

"Well, would you rather me write that you had illegal substances at work and I was forced to fire you?"

She laughed.

"I can't get you back into Team One, and I am truly sorry for that. Even if I was to keep this whole situation quiet and pull as many strings as I could, it just won't happen"

As painful as the words were, there was no point in getting Jules' hopes up only to have them brought back down.

"But Kira is long overdue for a promotion and we will need someone to fill her spot."


	19. Chapter 19

Jules' eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. It was like a second chance…at life.

"Sarge…" She didn't know what to say. The last time she looked this man in the eyes it was after she had almost broken his nose yet here he was, giving her the opportunity of a life time.

Anybody in her shoes would've have taken it on the spot, no questions asked. She loved this place, why on earth would she ever doubt herself or reject the offer?

"I couldn't…I lied to you, I broke the rules, I completely disregarded your friendship…everybody's friendship" She felt herself get angrier by the second.

Greg calmly placed his hand on her shoulder and smiled.

"You veered down the wrong path and I'm just leading you back onto it. This job eventually has to get to people; I'm just amazed it didn't happen sooner. You're like a daughter to me and anything I can do to keep you here, you bet your ass I'm gonna do it"

Jules looked ahead in the mirror. The same mirror she was facing over 3 weeks ago but a very different face staring back. Eyes that were once filled with despair and desolation were now eyes of joy and hope.

She looked back over to Greg. "Thank you…" and when Greg would've usually lifted his hand for a handshake, he instead opened his arms for a hug.

"But couldn't you have done this before I cleaned my locker out!"

Greg laughed "Judging by the looks of things, it seems that it needed a good clean out anyway"

"I better go now; I'll ring you later with details about your new job"

Greg smiled at her once more before leaving room.

Jules waited a couple of seconds before letting out an excited squeal she had been holding in for a while.

_For once, everything is going right._

Jules rushed out the room and over to the guys locker room. She knew Sam would still be in there, he was always the last one out.

There he was, neurotically tying his shoe laces to perfection.

"Hey you" Jules said whilst trying desperately to hold back her excitement.

"Hey yourself, how'd it go?" In the few seconds it took to get to Sam she thought of as many ways as she could to let him know the good news but she couldn't help but blurt it out.

"Greg offered me a job at the SRU!" She tried to say as quietly as she could.

"No way! That's incredible!" Sam yelled as he jumped out of his seat in excitement. He wrapped his arms around her whilst she clung onto his shirt and rested her head on his shoulder.

Jules stepped back as she felt Sam lift his head up. She turned around to see the rest of Team One looking on.

_Shit. Do they even what to see me? Should I just go now?_

Ed stepped forward before his signature grin came across his face as he opened his arms.

"Julianna Callaghan, get your butt here!" He opened his arms wider as the rest of the team laughed and embraced Jules in a huge hug.

"Group hug everybody!" Spike just had to shout.

Ed placed his hands on Jules shoulder before taking a better look at her.

"So…How you been?" he asked

"Well right here, right now, I've never been better" She smiled before looking back at Sam.

"That's good, so Greg tells me it looks like you'll be sticking around the SRU for a while" Ed said.

The rest of Team One's heads looked over to Jules in curiosity.

"You can't get rid of me that easily. I won't be out on the field but he said that Kira is in need of that promotion and he'd really like someone with experience to take over" She proudly announced…again.

"Well then, I think a celebration is in order! Drinks at the pub tonight?"

"Copy that" Everybody said before being interrupted by Greg.

"Ok ladies, mothers meeting is over. Let's head up to the gym"

Greg, Ed, Wordy, Spike and Lou made their way out of the locker room before Sam walked over to Jules kissing her passionately.

"Behave yourself" She joked before being kissed again. Sam walked over to the doorway and looked back at her.

"I always do" He smiled and walked away.

******

After drinks that night Sam Jules made their way back to Sam's house. They had picked Sierra up from Jules' house, who was quickly becoming accustomed to being in the car.

Sam was taking his time in the shower, even more so than Jules ever did.

She decided that she would take the opportunity to give herself the extra closet space she deserved.

She opened up his bottom drawer and moved aside some Jeans. The drawer however was not empty and instead was taken up by a large plastic box.

_Hmmm, do I open it?_

Curiosity got the better of her and it had paid off. There were the containers of anti-depressants prescribed to dozens of people but none of which had the name "Samuel Braddock" on them.

Sam walked into the bedroom drying off his hair with a towel before looking down at Jules.

She dipped her head down in disappointment whilst shaking it back and forth.

"Sam…" She looked up at him "How could you?"


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry for the delay. Writers block sucks. If i don't get another chapter up within the next two days then i'm sorry to say your going to have to wait a week because i'm going on holidays. Hope you enjoy

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**

_Flashback_

_Jules watched him closely as he hit the punching bag harder and harder._

"_Were you close?"_

_Sam kept his fists at his eyes and continued punching_

"_Spend enough time…think you know someone"_

"_And you had no idea huh?"_

*****

She threw the containers back in the box before sitting up onto the bed.

The things she wanted to say to him. All the spiteful thoughts that came to her head but she couldn't open her mouth.

He lied to her. Told her he was clean. He threw her pills away. Got angry at her when she had been using yet all this time, he was using himself.

"I know it looks bad…" Sam tried desperately to think of an excuse, lie to her once again but he couldn't. He'd caused too much pain already.

In circumstances like these, lying to a reformed drug addict and a trained negotiator was just stupid.

He sat on the end of the bed and took her hand. Part of her wanted to throw it away. He had hurt her in the most painful way possible. However, she held on tighter and looked at him.

"Why Sam? Why?' She pleaded with him.

She looked deeper into his distant eyes. She thought she knew him; he was so open with her. How did she not see this?

"Every time I close my eyes I see Matt…" Finally, the truth.

"They just help me sleep Jules. I haven't taken one since…"

He knew she wouldn't want to hear the words. That would only dump a full load of guilt onto her.

"Since?" She had to ask.

"Since you went away" He looked down at his feet before she grabbed on his chin and faced it in her direction.

"I'm sorry. I know I've said that a lot. I know I can say it a million more times but I have to. I'm sorry I was such a hypocrite it's just I love you Jules and to watch you make the same mistake as me was excruciating. I didn't want to let it happen"

She looked deeper and deeper into his eyes almost as if he was a subject and she was trying desperately to read him but she couldn't.

"I want these in the bin" She tried to say it as calmly as she could.

Sam looked up at her and smiled. He kissed her on the forehead before picking up the box and walking towards door.

"We're not done discussing this" She added.

Sam looked down at the box in his hand; he then turned his head to look over at the bin. Nobody can fully understand the connection a drug addict has to their drugs. It's like ripping out a piece of their soul and burning it.

Why was he pausing? Why was it so difficult?

Whilst the words were not said, Sam knew exactly what Jules meant. He had a choice; Jules or drugs.

He opened the lid and crushed the box into the bin.

Jules stepped out from behind him and watched as Sam wrapped his arm around her tightly. He turned around with Jules still under his arm and faced the mirror.

He sighed a deep breath of relief as he kissed Jules.

"Thank you" she calmly said as she continued looking at him in the mirror.

"No…" Sam started to smile,

"Thank _you_" He added before kissing her once more.

******

Jules lay in bed, watching as Sam's eyelids rapidly shook back and fourth. He was dreaming.

He looked so peaceful, it was hard to imagine the things he's seen or the pain he's felt.

But as his face began to sweat and his eyelids began to scrunch, Jules realised that this wasn't the peaceful dream she'd first imagined he was having.

His body began to twitch and whilst it was obvious he was still sleeping his face became noticeably scared.

Jules didn't need to think twice, she gently shook his shoulder slightly.

"Sam…Sam!" After her second shout he awoke but as what seemed a completely different person.

His face was filled with rage as he threw himself on top of Jules and slapped her face. He formed his hand into a fist as Jules found it hard to hold him back.

He punched his hand towards Jules face but her instincts kicked in and the fist was stopped. This however didn't stop Sam from shaking her shoulders up and down.

"No! Why?!" He screamed in a voice that Jules had not heard before.

"Sam please your hurting me!"

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**I swear i tried to keep the story Jules-centric but with Sam being such a huge part of her life, how could i keep his ghosts hidden?**

**Please review  
**


	21. Chapter 21

**I'm baaaaaack! Not the best chapter and a little rushed too. Next chapter will probably be the same scene but from Sam's POV.

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**

Jules froze. Her instincts had been taken over by pure fear. The first few punches she could control but this wasn't a subject, he wasn't some maniac…this was Sam; _her _Sam. He didn't mean what he was doing, he was asleep. So, she hesitated but was forced to let her guard down. She covered her face but that was all she could do. He had to stop eventually right?

As she felt lighter and the pain stopped she had realised that Sam had stopped hitting her. She opened her eyes to see Sam's face staring back at her from the end of his bed.

"Jules?" The voice was so soft she could barely here him.

She tried to sit up before the pain finally crashed down on her. She clenched tightly at her stomach as she fought as hard as she could to stop tears from running down her cheeks.

To choose one word to describe how Sam was feeling at this moment is impossible. He couldn't move, couldn't speak, he could no longer look at Jules.

He raced over to the bathroom where he spent most of his time looking at his reflection in the toilet bowl. He was physically ill with what he had done.

Jules still laid on the bed in agonizing pain and complete shock. What the hell had just happened?

Sam walked out of the bathroom where he looked over at a pale Jules, looking down at her body in sheer disbelief.

He took a few steps closer to her but Jules crawled back. Never in his wildest dreams did Sam ever believe that Jules; _his _Jules, would be scared of him.

"I…I should take you to the hospital" Sam spoke again in the soft almost silent voice. He walked over to pick her up before she held up her hand motioning for him to stop.

"No…no it's ok. I can handle it. I'll go myself" And with those words Sam knew it, he was no longer needed nor was he wanted. Where he was hoping to help and support Jules, the only things he had done had hurt her in more ways than one.

"But…" He tried protesting, he just wanted to be there for her.

"It's fine…really Sam. You just go back to sleep" She dropped her feat to the ground whilst biting her lip in agony, trying not to let the pain noticeable.

Jules slowly made her way down the stairs before grabbing her coat and heading out the door. She could see Sam's car there but she wasn't in the mood to drive. With each step she took it seemed the pain increased. However, she was too busy processing everything that had happened that night to even notice.

_I made this happen. If I had just left the drugs there this wouldn't have happened._

Jules had dealt with numerous subjects who were battered women, abused by their husbands/boyfriends and she could never fully understand why they blamed themselves. Until now.

_This is different. Sam didn't abuse me, it was just a one off thing._

She'd heard many women say that before and it never was.

_No…just shut up! It was a mistake, Sam loves me and he would never intentionally hurt me._

It's amazing the things a human body can do when you're not thinking. Jules didn't want to go to the hospital but she didn't want to go home so she just walked.

She walked down a small street. She hadn't seen anybody walk by in a while and the traffic had quietened down.

It was almost as if she was in a trance but she was soon awoken by the noise of a trash can lid. She looked over to her left where Greg was standing next to the curb. Somehow her brain had led her to Greg's house. It was probably one of the smartest things she had done all night.

"Jules?" He took one look at her face.

"Get inside…now" He sounded angry but Jules knew it wasn't at her. He needed to make sure she was safe.

Jules didn't say a word. She was cold and in pain and felt that maybe this was the best thing for her.

She walked through the door running over the story in her head. Her lie involved some sort of a fight at a bar but when she looked up to see Dr Luria in the room too she quickly realised that lying to a fully trained negotiator and shrink wasn't going to go well.

Greg and Dr Luria had a close friendship, it was never anything more but he enjoyed her company. Jules picked one hell of a night to rock up here.

Dr Luria jumped out of her seat and walked over to Jules examining her face and noticing the large bruises forming on her neck. As Greg took Jules' coat off, the large hand prints on her arms could be seen.

Jules remained silent as Greg asked her to sit down. She let out a large breath as she sat down and grabbed her stomach in agony. A rib or two had to be injured.

Dr Luria didn't waste any time and immediately gently lifted up Jules' shirt a little to see the worst of the damage.

Dr Luria looked over at Greg with that face of concern that all of Team One hated seeing on her. They knew it was never a good thing.

"Who did this to you Jules?" Greg asked in his calm almost fatherly tone.

"Really…I'm fine. It was nothing" Jules tried reassuring them…even herself but she couldn't.

"It's not nothing Jules. Your body is covered in bruises; you were out walking the cold streets by yourself. This isn't you. I thought you had recovered."

The fact that he had implied she had used sent a chill down her spine. Is this what it had come to? Any mistake she ever made was going to be blamed on drugs?

"I have not taken anything" She tried to say in a calm voice.

Her phone could be heard vibrating throughout their conversation and Greg took it upon himself to pick it up from her jacket pocket.

39 missed calls from Sam.

"He's probably worried sick about you Jules. You should talk to him" Greg hadn't quite put two and two together yet.

She looked away and took the phone from his hands. She looked down at it clearly hesitant as to what to do.

Dr Luria didn't need to see anymore. She could read Jules' body language and see what she was feeling.

"Did he do this to you?" She asked. Greg obviously stunned that she would even consider such a notion.

As Jules failed to think of a response she allowed herself to shed her first tear, wiping it away quickly.

"No…he wouldn't. Not Sam?"

"It's not what it looks like, I don't even know if he knew it was me"

"But he hit you?" Greg was still having a hard time believing it. He never asked for Sam to join his team and whilst at the start he was a little hesitant of believing that he could become a negotiator, Sam had proved himself and Greg was fully accepting of him as a member of Team One.

Jules nodded.

"What do you mean by he didn't know it was you?" Dr Luria was trying to speak to Jules as a friend and not as a psychiatrist but it was hard to tear the two apart in a situation like this.

"He was asleep" No matter what questions were asked she refused to tell them about his drug problem. That was none of their business and she wasn't going to jeopardize his career like she did her own.

"Look, it's been a weird night but I'm fine, he's fine and we'll both be good for work tomorrow. Please just don't judge him on this. It was an accident…a horrible mistake that I'm sure he already feels guilty about"

"I'd still like to speak to him about it. Maybe we can stop this from happening again" The words from Dr Luria's mouth scared the hell out of Jules.

"Again?" She wasn't supposed to say it out loud but she couldn't stop herself.

"Jules…" Dr Luria held onto Jules' hands and looked her in the eyes.

"Yes, it was an honest mistake but there is no saying how often this could happen. I understand that he didn't mean to hurt you but you've got to put your needs before his. If this happens again, you've got to promise us that you will come and see somebody. Greg or myself, you know we're always here for you"

Jules nodded. Yet she was absolutely addiment that this would never happen again.

"Why don't I drive you to the hospital, we'll get you checked out" Greg finally spoke up.

"I don't think that's a good idea…"

"Jules your hurt, your in pain, you've got to get checked out" There he goes again; Greg was amazing at getting what he wanted.

"So they can just give me some pain killers? I'm not going through that again" She slowly stood up trying once again to cover up the pain she was in.

"Well at least let me drive you home"

She looked up at Greg.

"Please?" He insisted

"Fine" She sounded annoyed but she couldn't help but give in to Greg.

"I best be off too then. Don't hesitate to drop in Jules" Dr Luria left before Jules grabbed her coat and the last thing she remembers was crawling into Greg's car before falling asleep.

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**Hope it was worth the wait lol. I felt really wierd calling Dr Luria - Amanda so i just kept calling her Dr Luria over and over again.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Just to make things a little clearer, this is pretty much the same chapter as last it's just from Sam's point of view : )

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**

As Sam placed his head on the pillow, his eyes quickly closed shut as he had hoped for and he fell asleep.

Life had been cruel to Sam and thrown him many obstacles that most people wouldn't have to face. He regrettably chose to join the military but he did not choose to shoot his friend Matt.

After the incident, Sam was obviously diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder which later led to his anti-depressants problem. After months of therapy and NA meetings, it would seem that Sam had overcome his PTSD and slowly but surely he started to let go of the anti-depressants.

Tonight was different though. Tonight had hit a nerve within Sam and something seemed to break. Sam felt that it was the start of a new chapter in his life and that tonight brought a whole new light into his world.

Sam had dreamt of his time in Afghanistan before, but this was different.

"_It's Matt" The Private's voice was soft but clear._

_Sam fell to his knees as he ran his fingers over Matt's dog tags. He looked down to the large bullet wound on his chest which had turned his shirt red. The pool of blood was growing and Sam could feel somebody tugging at his shoulder._

_His friends were telling him to leave, to walk away but he couldn't._

_Instead, Sam turned to Private Whitman._

"_You said I was clear to fire" Sam spoke soft and calmly. It was only a matter of time before he lost it._

_Private Whitman simply nodded. "I know"_

_Sam jumped onto Private Whitman letting out all the anger he had inside of him._

"_YOU SAID I WAS CLEAR TO FIRE!" He screamed whilst he punched the private more._

But as Sam opened his eyes, Private Whitman was no longer there. Instead he was staring down at a scared Jules, covering her face while screaming out in pain.

"Jules?"

He looked around the room as he felt dizzy and things started to spin around. Where was he? Why was Jules screaming? What had he done?

As Jules' red face became clearer and she clenched at her body in pain, it became obvious as to what Sam had done. But why?

He raced over to the bathroom where he had to witness his dinner for the second time that night. Even the mere thought of hitting Jules made him sick, part of him was actually somewhat happy that he could not remember the incident.

In fact, he did not even remember the dream. It was as if no time had passed in between shutting his eyes and waking up on top of Jules.

"I…I should take you to the hospital" He could barely get the words out.

"No…no it's ok. I can handle it. I'll go myself" She wasn't looking at him. Then again, Sam couldn't even look at himself.

"But…" He knew she was going to interrupt and he's kind of glad she did because he didn't know how to finish that sentence.

"It's fine…really Sam. You just go back to sleep"

Sam watched as she made her way downstairs and he heard the front door close.

_Sleep? You've got to be kidding me._

He felt like his skin was on fire. He slipped his shirt off as he turned the shower on. He didn't care that he was still half dressed; he just needed to feel the cold water on his skin. He needed to feel something.

_I hit her? Why would I hit her? I love her. Does she know I love her?_

He slid his back down the side of the shower and ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to remember what had happened. What could he have dreamed of to make such a thing happen?

After he dried himself off, he walked over to the window to see that his car was still in the drive way.

As if he wasn't worried enough, the fact that Jules was out walking the cold streets by herself scared him even more.

He rang over and over again but came to no luck. She would not answer.

He never thought he'd hear himself say it but Sam was hoping that she was just ignoring his calls.

After an hour of hearing nothing from Jules, his phone rang. He raced over to pick it up before reading the caller ID. It was not who he was expecting. Sarge.

"Hello?" Sam tried to sound normal, not make it obvious that something was up. He didn't want Greg to know what had happened but he knew it wasn't a good thing that Greg was ringing at 2am in the morning.

"Sam, everything ok?" That dreaded question that Greg always asked when he knew something was up.

"You wouldn't be calling at this hour if you knew everything was ok"

"Look, I've got Jules with me. She's asleep but I'm aware of what happened"

They each paused. Greg waited for Sam to say something but Sam remained silent for a moment.

"Is…Is she ok?"

"Well, she won't go to a hospital so I'm going to take her home. Should I take her to her house or yours?"

"Mine, please, I just need to see her…make sure she's ok"

Before he had even finished the sentence he saw a set of headlights flash across his front lawn and Greg's car pull into his driveway.

"Good decision Sam"

Greg nudged Jules a little to wake her up and watched as her eyes lit up at the sight of Sam in the doorway.

"Thanks Sarge, I guess I'll see you in a couple of hours"

"OK" He smiled, he really wanted to tell her not to bother, take some time but after years of knowing her, he knew she would still insist on going to work.

She walked in as Sam shut the door behind her. They were practically like a married couple but they never had to deal with the awkward silence…until now.

"Jules, I have no memory of what happened. I barely even remember falling asleep. Please you have to tell me what I did."

She walked up stairs and sat on the end of the bed where she proceeded to slip her shoes off.

"Look Sam, just forget about it…it was nothing" The sooner Sam would stop talking about it, the sooner Jules could forget the whole night ever happened.

"Don't do this to me, please, don't push me away" She threw her shoe on the ground before looking up at Sam. He looked like a little lost child.

She stood up before running her fingers down his cheek and onto his lips. She leaned her head against his before saying in a soft whisper.

"Let's move on. I'm gonna have a shower and then we'll just go back to sleep. Let's pretend this night never happen" She kissed him gently before walking over to the bathroom.

She closed the door halfway before starting to get undressed. As she slipped out of her pants and her top, she took the time to look at her injuries closer. She was half expecting the mirror to break at the sight of her bruised reflection.

As she heard the door creak open she turned to see Sam staring down at her body.

Her face had turned red from the first slap she had received, thankfully however it was only small and could be easily covered up with make-up. Her neck showed horrific signs of strangulation and Jules feared it would be harder to cover up. The worst however was on her stomach. In fact, her entire torso was a bunch of small and large purple bruises clumped together to form what looked like one gigantic bruise.

She looked back up at Sam who looked like he could just about throw up again.

"Sam…Just go back to bed, you don't have to see this" Her negotiating skills had kicked in thankfully. Judging by the look on Sam's face he could very well have a break down any moment now.

He walked over to her and lightly ran his fingers down her stomach. She looked up to him and wiped away the tears strolling down his face.

"Jules…I never meant to…I didn't know…" He couldn't finish a sentence; the night was like a horrible nightmare only that this was worse than a nightmare.

"I know Sam, I know. Look, Dr Luria was at Greg's house tonight as well and she really wants to talk to you. I think it would be a good idea"

The words Sam wanted to say, all the things he needed her to know were silenced with a kiss as she held his head to hers.

"Jules…I love you"

She kissed him once more before Sam grabbed her wrists and gently pushed her away from him.

"But I can't do this…" Sam was still crying and the anger and frustration could be heard in his voice.

"Do what?" She knew exactly what he meant, she just wanted to hear him say it.

"I could've killed you Jules, you mean too much to me. If you won't leave me then I'll just have to break up with you"


	23. Chapter 23

**This is only a small one. Hopefully the next chapter will be longer : )

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**

"You're breaking up with me?" She let out a teasing laugh.

"Jules, you don't care? You don't care that I…that I did this!" He pointed vigorously at her bruises before she grabbed his hands.

"I need you and you need me…And right now I need a shower. Go to bed and I'll be there shortly" She kissed him once more.

He stood there transfixed on her bruises. How could something so damaged be so beautiful? How could she be acting the way she is? Shouldn't she be angry?

She proceeded to take her bra off while turning on the shower.

"You can sleep on the couch if you wish. Doesn't bother me"

He turned to face the shower only to see the shadowy outline of her body through the shower curtain. She seemed happy and whilst he would never be pleased with the outcome of tonight, if she was happy then he should be too.

As she heard Sam close the door and leave she was finally able to crouch down in the shower and rock herself back and forward. Where Sam had been doing the same thing only hours before. She tried her best to quietly let the tears stream down her face as the hot water from the shower washed them away. Whilst the tears could be easily swept away, the emotional pain tonight had left behind would have to stay with her forever.

_I can do this. I don't need help. I can do this._

_Just a small hit, nobody has to know._

_No, I…CAN…DO…THIS._

She repeated the words over and over in her head before standing up, drying herself off and crawling into bed with Sam.

He had is back turned to her and she believed he was asleep. She wiped away any visible signs of tears and shut her eyes.

For the first time in their relationship, they slept with their backs touching. She didn't wake up with his arms wrapped tightly around her making her feel safe and protected and he didn't wake up smelling her hair, brushed up against her body.

Tonight was definitely a turning point in their relationship, would it make them stronger or was it only the start of a relationship destined to fail?

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**Sorry Uniquefreak 202, i'll get to that next chapter i swear **


	24. Chapter 24

"It's called a night terror" Dr Luria's voice was clear but had a slight sense of worry behind it.

Sam sat in her office like he would in a principal's office, hands between his knees and face down.

He left the house early for work for the sole purpose of speaking to Dr Luria, he didn't know how long this could take and frankly, it was either her or Jules. He made his decision.

"So what, it's like a nightmare?" He asked

"No Sam, a night terror….well it's worse" She was clearly hesitant in explaining the only answer she could see behind the attack.

"It starts off as a nightmare or a traumatic memory and involves the person waking up sometimes screaming or gasping. In your case, you became violent. It's virtually impossible to fully awake the person from their sleep and it's extremely rare that a person ever remembers the night terror"

Sam remained silent, still looking down at his fingers and admiring the carpet patterns.

"And was that it? I mean, is it going to happen again?" He wasn't expecting her to know, even if she knew the answer he was pretty sure it was a yes. Yes you are probably going to try and kill your girlfriend again. Yes she will eventually leave you and yes you will probably lose everything that meant something to you. He was always the pessimist but honestly, he couldn't see any optimism in this situation.

"There is no way to know. There are many triggers to a night terror, emotional stress during the previous day. Some night terror sufferers have many of the characteristics of abused and depressed individuals including aggression, self-directed anger, passivity, anxiety, impaired memory and the ability to ignore pain."

He was listening to every word she was saying but only bits and pieces stood out in his head.

_Emotional stress during the previous day. _That was easy, Jules finding the anti-depressants.

_Depressed individual. _This confused him; Sam was convinced that the depression was gone, that he didn't need the drugs. Was his body trying to tell him otherwise?

_Self-directed anger. _He was angry at himself for a lot of things, too many to list.

She was just describing his life and as much as he hated to admit it…she was right.

"Sam?" She asked obviously noticing that he had tuned out. She tilted her head in curiosity.

He looked up.

"How do I stop it from happening again?" That was all he really wanted to know. He didn't care what it was or how it worked he just never wanted it to happen again.

"Well sometimes all you need is more sleep but if that doesn't work than simple anti-depressants should stop them"

He almost let out an echo of laughter inside his head. Just his luck.

He lifted his hands and ran them through his hair.

Dr Luria tilted her head again, he hated it when she did that, it meant she was reading him and she was _always _right. He had to be careful in front of her.

"Have a problem with anti-depressants Sam?"

_Screw you bitch. Stay the hell out of my life; I just wanna know what the hell made me bash my girlfriend, is that too much to ask?_

He shook his head a little.

"I was on them for long enough. They are the last thing I need right now"

She tilted her head once more before looking at Sam directly in the eyes.

"PTSD cases aren't meant to stay on anti-depressants any longer than a couple of weeks"

Sam knew this was probably a mistake. The woman was evil and set up traps everywhere they went, she was like a mind reader.

He let out a small laugh and shook his head with a smirk.

"I gotta get ready for my shift" He said as he stood up and grabbed his things.

Dr Luria remained sitting down as she looked up at Sam.

"Thanks for the talk Doc"

"Well, you know where to find me if you one day want to have a serious talk and finish this conversation off. No leaving with a million unanswered questions and that head of yours filled with emotions waiting to explode"

*******

10 minutes until Team One's shift started.

_Let's try and make this quick and painless. Rip it off like a bandaid._

He stepped into Jules' locker room. Technically speaking she didn't really need her own locker room but nobody wanted to take down the Jules sign and with her still working in the building they figured it could stay.

She was staring at herself in the mirror, admiring her new uniform. No cool pants but then again no bullet proof vests to carry around or gigantic goggles to wear. The job had its ups and downs.

"Hey, I was getting worried when I woke up and you were gone. Everything ok?"

He scratched his head, he too admiring her new uniform.

_She'll always be my sexy sniper chick._

"I went and saw Dr Luria"

Just the tone in his voice gave it away, it was very rarely good news with Dr Luria but when said in a low and dark tone like that, it was definitely not a good thing.

"And?"

"Night terror" He didn't want to add anything else to it, he just wanted to leave it at that.

"Anyway, it's being dealt with. This is your day, how you feeling?"

"Sam I've worked here for 5 years now" She giggled, she would never admit she was nervous but Sam was helping ease those nerves.

He stayed silent, something he loved doing. They were each just listening to each other breathing and looking at one and other in the mirror.

"I love you, you know that right Jules? I love you so much"

"I know Sam, I know. I never want to hear you say you're breaking up with me again. Do you understand?"

"Ok. As long as you keep your hands off Pete, you won't have to."

"The new dispatcher guy? Damn I dunno, I mean he is quite good looking" They laughed again and for a second, an absolute brief second, the occurrence of last night was forgotten.

******

It felt good to be considered the "new girl". She learnt all the ins and outs of her new job and whilst she wouldn't be racing around roof tops and feeling the adrenalin pump through her veins, she was still a part of the team and a very important part at that.

She saw Team One several times throughout the day and would usually slap them in the face if they ever wolf whistled at her but today was different. The wolf whistling was somewhat gratifying and made her feel that little bit more welcome.

*******

"Well?" Greg was remaining calm but was obviously quite worried about the response he would receive from Dr Luria.

They were standing in a quiet hallway whilst on Team One's break.

"He didn't stay very long; got the answers he wanted and left"

Ed walked up quietly behind the wall before he heard the two speaking. He wasn't the eavesdropping type but this seemed to be an exception.

"Typical Sam style"

"Honestly, what happened last night wasn't as serious as it could get" For once, Dr Luria sounded like she was scared.

"Amanda, he practically bashed Jules to a pulp, how could it get any more serious?"

The two kept talking but Ed didn't need to hear anymore. Jules was practically a little sister to him and Sam had hurt her. He will pay.


	25. Chapter 25

**Damn writers block!

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**

Rage. Anger. Fury. Outrage. Pure hatred.

There wasn't just a single word that could explain what Ed Lane was feeling. It was like a volcano of anger just waiting to explode.

The least he wanted was an explanation, some reason as to why Sam would do such a thing.

They never admitted it, they knew they would get their ass' kicked if they did but Team One were all protective of Jules and she would always be looked at as their little sister. Each and every member of the team would go above and beyond the call to defend her.

Ed tried to keep calm, hold his composure as he made his way towards the locker room.

When a team mate is hurt or in danger there is almost an unwritten rule that you as a friend, as a colleague and most of all, as a family member, must help them.

He made his way in to the locker room where Team One were slumped on the benches enjoying every moment they had to relax.

All Ed wanted to do was walk in there, break his neck, hopefully watch him die slowly and then go home. Well, it went that simple in his fantasy but he thought about it and decided to be smart.

"Hey Sam, can I ask you a question?" Ed stood in front of Team One. The question was clearly directed at Sam but as curiosity got the better of all of them, they each turned their head to Ed and Sam.

"What's up?" Sam asked.

"Are you cold?" The question sounded dumb but Ed knew exactly where he was going with this.

"Excuse me?" Sam too found the question dumb, where was he going with this?

"It's extremely warm in here. Even without doing a full day in the gym I think most people were already practically sweating when they walked in the door" Ed continued. He didn't sound angry, he just sounded like a man on a mission.

Sam looked towards Spike, Lou and Wordy in confusion before realising that they had no idea what Ed was going on about either.

"I suppose" He stood up to face his locker and pretended to be doing something inside the locker.

"So why is Jules the only person inside this entire building wearing a jacket?"

_He knows. How could he know? Greg wouldn't tell him. Dr Luria wouldn't tell him. Would Jules?_

Sam pursed his lips and looked Ed in the eyes.

The three men sitting down looked back between Sam and Ed as if this was a tennis match.

"You must've hit her pretty hard if she's already covering up the bruises with jackets"

Sam turned to face his locker. There was that feeling again, secretly it had never left him but now more than ever he couldn't look at Ed. That feeling of overwhelming guilt and anger swept over his body.

Spike, Wordy and Lou were now transfixed on Sam. If Ed was wrong Sam would've said something by now, stood up for himself. But he was quiet, dead silent in fact. It was the calling card of a guilty man.

"You sick bastard" Ed stepped forward as the other three men stood up too. Sam slowly turned around and held his hands out to stop them all.

"Please, I can explain" Truth be told, he could. But Ed didn't want to hear it.

Before anybody could stop him, Ed had punched Sam to the ground. The punch felt so good for Ed, it was like a sweet release that he couldn't get enough of.

Sam on the other hand couldn't say the same. He was punched right in the eye, and if the bruise wasn't already there it soon would be. He was knocked to the ground and slightly dizzy.

"Please...Ed stop" He almost begged. He needed to explain himself.

Ed walked over to him teasingly.

"Did Jules beg for you to stop? Huh?" He walked over and proceeded to kick Sam in the stomach.

The other three men seemed to just stand there. It was as if they were in shock. Part of them wanted Ed to stop, Sam was still their team mate. But the other, more dominant half, wanted him to keep going. Sam deserved it.

"HEY!" Greg shouted as he ran over to Ed and Sam. He dragged Ed of him as he still tried to kick him in the face.

The other three felt that this was probably a good time to snap out of the trances and hold onto Ed.

"What the hell was that about?!" Greg stood in the middle of the two but looked at Ed. He knew he was the ring leader of this. This was something that happened in high school not in the locker room between two respected police officers.

"I heard what you said. He bashed Jules to a pulp and your supporting him!?"

Greg turned to look at Sam who was slowly lifting himself off the ground.

"Go get yourself cleaned up Sam"

Sam nodded at Greg before leaving the room keeping his eyes fixed on Ed's the entire time.

"He deserved that and a whole lot more!" Ed yelled at Greg. Something he hadn't had to do in a long time.

"That was the dumbest thing you've ever done. You eavesdrop on part of a conversation and then act on the tiny little snippet you have heard? You're the team leader, I should expect this from your son not from you!"

Ed was still confused. The whole situation seemed pretty simple to him. Sam bashed Jules, Greg found out and Ed bashed Sam. In all honesty he didn't see the problem. Why was Greg protecting him?

"Ok, Mr wise guy. What am I missing? What could possible make Sam bashing Jules ok?"

"Well the fact that he has no memory of it might help. He was asleep Ed, he woke up to find himself on top of his girlfriend scared and screaming. Don't you think that's enough punishment for him?"

Ed couldn't help but let out a small laugh.

"He was asleep? That was his excuse?"

"God what is wrong with you? You've had it out for him since day one and I've had enough of it!"

Greg looked over to Wordy, Spike and Lou who seemed to be in the same place they had been the entire time. It didn't take long for them to get the idea, they weren't wanted in this room.

After they left Greg sat down and wiped his face with his palms.

"It's called a night terror Ed. It happens to people who have suffered traumatic events. And frankly for someone who has already been through some serious shit, this is just torture for him"

Ed had calmed down from his anger rush and slid his back down the locker across from Greg.

"He loves her Ed, more than anybody or anything in the world. I know you love her like a little sister but you've gotta let the two sort things out on their own"

Ed nodded. "I know, I know it's just..."

He scratched the back of his head and continued "I don't like seeing her hurt"

"Me neither Ed, me neither. But she's a strong woman"

They each let out a little laugh. Obviously because that was an understatement. She had a mental break down in front of her entire Team yet here she was, picking up the pieces and trying to put them back into place. She was one of the best snipers in the SRU and Ed wasn't afraid to admit that.

"So?" Ed hesitantly asked.

"So...Team four just arrived and Team seven should be here any minute. I'm sure we can all pack up early and head home"

"That's the best news I've heard all day"

******

Sam walked out of the locker room and without thinking headed straight into Jules' locker room. Nobody used it any more and frankly he just wanted to get away from it all.

He splashed the cold water on his face and looked at the bruises around his eye and on his stomach. This wasn't as bad as what he had done to Jules and he couldn't help but feel that he deserved every punch Ed gave him.

He lifted the shirt off and bent over the sink.

This dream...this night terror could destroy everything he had every worked for. His relationship with Jules could go out the window, his career down the drain. He had to make this right.

He looked up in the mirror and as he had expected would happen, Jules was now standing directly behind him, her eyes fixed on the bruises.

"Why...Who?" She couldn't get out a full sentence.

He placed a kiss on her forehead before wrapping his arms tightly around her and placing his head on hers.

"Ed found out about last night"

No more needed to be said. She knew what Ed was capable and was actually able to smile at the fact that he had kept her boyfriend alive.

"At least it was his fist and not his gun" The two laughed. How she could possibly find a joke in this situation was incredible.

******

As Sam made his way home, Jules knew exactly where she wanted to go.

She walked up to the front door and knocked softly.

"Hey Sophie, is Ed home?"

"Sure Jules, he's just out the back on the hammock"

Jules walked outside to see Ed all on his lonesome swinging in his hammock with his eyes closed. She crept up quietly towards him before he opened his eyes.

"Stealth approaches won't work on me Miss Callaghan"

She let out a small giggle before sitting on the edge of the hammock.

He shook his smile of his face and bowed his head down.

"Why didn't you come to me first Eddie? You know I would've told you the truth."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just you know I'm always gonna be protective of you"

"I know"

They paused for a moment, admiring the dark sky that was forming above them.

Each processing what could be said to break the silence.

"Although..." Jules started

"I'm glad to see you can fight without a gun"

He finally broke his silence and let out a small laugh.

"Oh shoosh you!"

"Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"We cool?" She needed Ed. She needed to be able to trust him and to know that he trusted her.

"Yeah...we are" He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into a polite hug to let her know that everything was ok because for the first time in over a month, everything was ok.

********

That night, Jules laid on the couch with Sam, cuddled up softly to his chest.

She thought about where she had been a month ago, the shooting, the alcohol, the little girl, the cocaine, the N/A meeting, the breakdown, rehab, the night terror. She found herself wondering if she had changed just one tiny thing would her life be better. She looked around the room and back up to her boyfriend. No. Things were just fine the way they were. Sure, things were not perfect and it was going to take time to fully get her life back but for now things were normal and that's all she ever wanted.

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**Looks like i'm gonna have to end it there folks. I'll try and get an epilogue up tomorrow though : )**


	26. Epilogue

"I've been addicted to alcohol, then pain killers, flu tablets and cocaine. I accidentally shot a little girl, had a mental break down in front of my co-workers, lost my job, got a boyfriend, went away to rehab, found out my boyfriend was using drugs, got attacked by my boyfriend in his sleep and my co-workers found out about the attack before trying to beat him up; all in the space of about a month.

I think it's safe to say they were the toughest few weeks of my life.

Nobody ever once told me that quitting drugs was going to be easy and obviously there is a really clear reason for that. It's not.

Add in the pressure of being a cop and you've pretty much got a recipe for failure. And that's what I believed I was; a failure. And I know that many of you sitting in this room will feel the same as I did. But your not. The fact that you are able to admit that you have a problem is amazing. It's your first step on the way to success.

Throughout my ordeal I felt alone, I felt as if nobody could understand what I was going through. I sat where you are sitting tonight and I looked up at these people and said how can they help me? They don't know what I feel. But I was wrong. They may not know the struggles you face at home or school or work but they know what it is like to be fully dependant on a substance that takes over your life.

I had someone offer me their hand, they were going to guide me through my journey and help me make the best decisions I could and I threw their guidance right back in their face. Frankly, that's the biggest regret of my life.

To sit here and say that you a stronger than everybody else and that you don't need someone to help you along, is one of the most selfish decisions a person can make. I unfortunately had to find this out the hard way. Most of my time I thought I was fighting a losing battle. That giving up drugs was impossible and could not be done. And most of the time, I know you will feel the same.

You see, it can be so easy to just give up and go back into bad habits. What does it matter? It's not like you're hurting anybody right? You're hurting yourself and in doing so, you're hurting anybody that ever trusted you, anybody that ever stood up for you and believed in you. You're giving in to everybody that thought you were a failure and letting them win.

Giving up drugs is not easy but…but it can be done and I am living proof of that.

I have been clean for 11 years now and if you met me 11 years ago, you would not know I was the same person.

The man who offered to help me through my addiction, who I let down was also my boyfriend. 2 years later he was my fiancé and now he is my husband and the father of our 2 kids.

For a moment in my life, I believed I had no future. There was nothing worth living for. Until he came into my life. He was a broken down, recovering addict suffering from post traumatic stress disorder who one night almost beat me to a pulp because of his night terror. But throughout everything we went through, we went through it together and came out on top.

After 4 years I was able to get my job back and back onto the team who witnessed my break down thanks to Cocaine.

I'm not going to lie to you, I was lucky. But my luck had a lot to do with what I learnt at NA and from my experiences at rehab.

It's not going to be easy but…if I can do it, believe me…so can you."

Jules stepped back from the podium as the hall erupted in cheers and claps. She walked over to Sam who placed his arms on her hips and kissed her passionately.

Jules was once a woman afraid of failure. Now, she realised that in order to succeed in life, you need to have learnt from your failures. And she had done just that.

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**Thank you to every single person who ever reviewed, favourited, alerted etc! This was my first fan fiction EVER and i enjoyed it so much.**


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